Looking back at my posts it seems to me that I have painted myself in a very
favorable light. I seem to be this angelic figure sitting at Brennis’ bedside
and calmly taking care of my him without complaint. I must say my bedside manner
was pretty impressive. I did feel very centered and calm and compassionate most
of the time and I really wanted to be the person Brennis could depend on if he
needed me.
I was, however, also very angry, disappointed, frightened, sad, lonely,
stressed, frustrated and any number of other negative adjectives throughout this
experience. There were moments when I was angry with Brennis for not taking
better care of himself (not that I was the picture of health myself….but I
wasn’t the one in the hospital). I was aggravated with myself for not taking
better care of him (I treated unhealthy foods as a “reward” for both of us: Have
a good week? Here’s an extra bag of Doritos!”). I was frustrated that we had no
control over the situation we were in. I was scared. I was terrified. And
sometimes I honestly thought he might not make it.
Most of the time I was tired. If you’ve ever been in the hospital you know
that there is very little time for rest. Between the nurses waking you up
regularly to get blood samples and the alarms going off in the room down the
hall you’re lucky to get two straight hours of sleep while you’re there. Brennis
and I realized years ago that 95% of our arguments happened when we were either
hungry or tired. We didn’t argue while he was in the hospital ever…..but we were
almost always hungry and tired so we were walking on thin ice.
Looking back at the time preceding the heart attack I have to say I am not
pleased with the person I had become. I worked too much, was burned out and
began to treat even those people closest to me rather poorly. I was short
tempered and grouchy. I didn’t mean to be but I was becoming a bit of an ass.
Brennis going into the hospital was a kind of “slap in the face” for me and made
me realize that I was not being kind to the people I love….the people who now
were keeping my business open and collecting toilet paper and toothpaste so I
wouldn’t have to go shopping when Brennis came home.
Somehow, in the rush to become the person I wanted to be I had become the
person I didn’t want to be. I was so focused on getting “there” that I forgot
that I already was “there”. Why did I feel that I had to “work” at being a
better person by pressuring myself to do more things better and faster than the
person I was? Why couldn’t I just be glad to be me with all of my wonderful
qualities as well as my faults?
So sometimes I’m a jerk. Most of the time I am not. I try my best to be
kind to people whenever I can. I try to smile when I pass someone on the street
and not get upset when they don’t smile back. I try to be optimistic and
pleasant and a good listener….but sometimes I just don’t have it in me and
that’s okay. Once again, it’s about being present in the moment….really
experiencing the way you are feeling as things are happening to you. It makes it
easier not to bring your own “stuff” to your interactions with other people
because if you try to be conscious of the moment that “stuff” doesn’t
exist….it’s just you and the other person and the space around the two of you.
The “stuff” isn’t really there at all.
On the second day that Brennis was in the hospital I felt an overwhelming
urge to forgive someone who never thought I would be able to forgive. One might
think that such a desire to forgive someone came from a selfish place…..trying
to be a better person in exchange for Brennis getting better (I wondered at
first if that’s where that came from, anyway). The feeling, however, came from
somewhere very deep inside of me. It was a feeling I would never be able to
describe to you with a million words. Why that person even entered my mind
during that time I will never tell you. What I do know is that I realized in
that moment that my inability to forgive that person was as much a disease in my
body as the blocked arteries around Brennis’ heart were a disease in his. I had
diagnosed myself with an illness and the only cure was removing it. It was the
most liberating thing I have ever done.
I have often said that most of the times when people act poorly they do it
out of their own insecurity. We get angry with people because we wish they
liked us better (not all the time, but think back….you’ll find it’s true a
lot). We yell at people because we feel we are not being listened to. We act
aloof because we don’t want to be judged. When you realize this it is much
easier to forgive people for their imperfections.
My ability to allow myself to forgive the person I never thought I would be
able to forgive proved to me that I was indeed the person I wanted to be…..I
just didn’t know it. It was the little voice inside of me that told me it was
the right thing to do….that was me speaking…..and I listened.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Unsweetened Applesauce
Unsweetened Applesauce
Today I realized I forgot to buy applesauce at the
store. I use applesauce in most of my baking as a replacement for oil and I had
a lot of baking to do and didn't feel like running out to the store. I happened
to have some apples left from last week's trip to the store so I checked online
to see how hard it would be to make my own applesauce.
Turns out it is one of the easiest things I've ever done in the kitchen!
The link below is where I happened to land and it worked like a charm. I cored and quartered five apples (I happened to have red delicious) boiled them according to the recipe, added the vanilla and cinnamon, simmered and processed. That's it!
Next step....baking!
Unsweetened Applesauce From "Say Yes To Salad" Blog
Turns out it is one of the easiest things I've ever done in the kitchen!
The link below is where I happened to land and it worked like a charm. I cored and quartered five apples (I happened to have red delicious) boiled them according to the recipe, added the vanilla and cinnamon, simmered and processed. That's it!
Next step....baking!
Unsweetened Applesauce From "Say Yes To Salad" Blog
Monday, May 28, 2012
A Better Place
The events of the first few days of Brennis’ hospitalization seemed to happen
so quickly it was hard to process them as they were happening. It was as if we
had been plucked out of our lives and placed into someone else’s life
temporarily. It was like characters from your favorite sitcom showing up on a
medical drama. We were fish out of water. We were terrified.
The first day Brennis was admitted I ran back to work and the house to tell people what was going on and to collect some things for him. When I was at the gallery he called me to tell me that the doctor had just told him he had definately had a heart attack. My heart sank….not just because of the news but because he was alone when he heard it. I jumped in the car and raced back to the hospital to be with him. I promised I would stay with him as long as he wanted me to be there. From then on I was with him the whole time except for about an hour a day when I would go home to shower pet the dog and check emails at work. I didn’t want him to be alone again if he heard bad news….and I wanted him to know that I was there. Whenever he drifted off to sleep the first thing he did when he woke up was to look over at the chair next to his bed to see if I was in it. I made it a point to be in that chair as much as I could.
There is something very jarring about being removed so abruptly from your familiar surroundings and placed someplace else….somewhere you’ve never been before. There is, however, also something very energizing about it. Removed from all of the things you know and trust you have to learn how to function in a different way….and you have to be conscious about what you are doing more often. Do don’t just mindlessly go down the stairs in the morning and make coffee like it was a factory job…..you have to be active in your life and it makes you more aware of what you are doing, why you are doing it and what you really find important.
At the same time you are really forced to make the decision about what your priorities are. I decided very early on that I wanted to be with Brennis at the hospital for a variety of reasons. I am very fortunate it turns out because I own my own business and I had a huge, generous support system that was willing to keep the gallery running while I was with Brennis. What I knew very early, however, is that even without that support system I could have cared less about the gallery during that time. If the gallery had to close I would have been fine with that. Brennis being alright was the only thing that mattered. If there was no business when this was over we would start over again. We had done it before and it we could do it again. It was not the least bit important to me. I was exactly where I needed to be right then. I know there are a lot of people who don’t have that luxury and who cannot take that kind of time from their jobs. They are (and I was) making conscious choices every moment to determine what their new priorities are. What is really important? Do I choose the person I love or do I choose a promise I made? What is a real sacrifice and what is really worth making a sacrifice?
Being in a new world made me think like a new person. Now, almost a year later, I find myself often thinking like the old person. I try to remember what that new person wanted and it’s not difficult to remember….but it is awfully difficult to be him again. The world I was plucked out of almost a year ago continuted without me for a while unchanged. When I was put back into my place it was me who had changed and I wanted to tell everyone about what it was like being in a different place but I didn’t think they would believe me. I felt like Dorothy returning to Kansas from The Emerald City. As a matter of fact I also felt smarter, more courageous and more loving than I was before. Could it be that I had been over the rainbow?
Before Dorothy returned home to Kansas, Glenda told her the secret to the power to return home: “You’ve always had the power, my dear. You’ve had it all along”. Returning home for me wasn’t such a challenge. Figuring out how to bring some Oz to my home is my real desire….and every day I think I am getting closer. Often these huge life shifts are caused by events over which we have no control….a death in the family, loss of a job, a health crisis. It forces us to “take stock” and to re-prioritize our priorities. In the thick of that process we are often unconscious about the fact that we are living in a different world…sometimes it is actually a different place (a hospital, a new city) and sometimes it’s just a radically different frame of mind. Regardless, we are transported and most times to a place that brings us wisdom, courage and a full heart. Returning to that place within the context of our daily lives really is not so difficult. Turns out we have had the power all along.
The first day Brennis was admitted I ran back to work and the house to tell people what was going on and to collect some things for him. When I was at the gallery he called me to tell me that the doctor had just told him he had definately had a heart attack. My heart sank….not just because of the news but because he was alone when he heard it. I jumped in the car and raced back to the hospital to be with him. I promised I would stay with him as long as he wanted me to be there. From then on I was with him the whole time except for about an hour a day when I would go home to shower pet the dog and check emails at work. I didn’t want him to be alone again if he heard bad news….and I wanted him to know that I was there. Whenever he drifted off to sleep the first thing he did when he woke up was to look over at the chair next to his bed to see if I was in it. I made it a point to be in that chair as much as I could.
There is something very jarring about being removed so abruptly from your familiar surroundings and placed someplace else….somewhere you’ve never been before. There is, however, also something very energizing about it. Removed from all of the things you know and trust you have to learn how to function in a different way….and you have to be conscious about what you are doing more often. Do don’t just mindlessly go down the stairs in the morning and make coffee like it was a factory job…..you have to be active in your life and it makes you more aware of what you are doing, why you are doing it and what you really find important.
At the same time you are really forced to make the decision about what your priorities are. I decided very early on that I wanted to be with Brennis at the hospital for a variety of reasons. I am very fortunate it turns out because I own my own business and I had a huge, generous support system that was willing to keep the gallery running while I was with Brennis. What I knew very early, however, is that even without that support system I could have cared less about the gallery during that time. If the gallery had to close I would have been fine with that. Brennis being alright was the only thing that mattered. If there was no business when this was over we would start over again. We had done it before and it we could do it again. It was not the least bit important to me. I was exactly where I needed to be right then. I know there are a lot of people who don’t have that luxury and who cannot take that kind of time from their jobs. They are (and I was) making conscious choices every moment to determine what their new priorities are. What is really important? Do I choose the person I love or do I choose a promise I made? What is a real sacrifice and what is really worth making a sacrifice?
Being in a new world made me think like a new person. Now, almost a year later, I find myself often thinking like the old person. I try to remember what that new person wanted and it’s not difficult to remember….but it is awfully difficult to be him again. The world I was plucked out of almost a year ago continuted without me for a while unchanged. When I was put back into my place it was me who had changed and I wanted to tell everyone about what it was like being in a different place but I didn’t think they would believe me. I felt like Dorothy returning to Kansas from The Emerald City. As a matter of fact I also felt smarter, more courageous and more loving than I was before. Could it be that I had been over the rainbow?
Before Dorothy returned home to Kansas, Glenda told her the secret to the power to return home: “You’ve always had the power, my dear. You’ve had it all along”. Returning home for me wasn’t such a challenge. Figuring out how to bring some Oz to my home is my real desire….and every day I think I am getting closer. Often these huge life shifts are caused by events over which we have no control….a death in the family, loss of a job, a health crisis. It forces us to “take stock” and to re-prioritize our priorities. In the thick of that process we are often unconscious about the fact that we are living in a different world…sometimes it is actually a different place (a hospital, a new city) and sometimes it’s just a radically different frame of mind. Regardless, we are transported and most times to a place that brings us wisdom, courage and a full heart. Returning to that place within the context of our daily lives really is not so difficult. Turns out we have had the power all along.
Friday, May 25, 2012
Slow Cooker Refried Beans
Slow Cooker Refried Beans
"100 Days Of Real Food" is one of a handful of blogs I go to
every day to look at healthy recipes. They are not vegan but a lot of their
recipes are or can be adapted to a vegan recipe. Regardless, they are
delicious, simple, healthy recipes that are worth exploring.
I found "100 Days" while searching for a recipe for fat free refried beans. This recipe is so simple it literally takes about five minutes to prepare and then just throw everything in the crock pot and go to sleep! Follow that with some minimal prep in the morning and you have a great, healthy snack!
I found "100 Days" while searching for a recipe for fat free refried beans. This recipe is so simple it literally takes about five minutes to prepare and then just throw everything in the crock pot and go to sleep! Follow that with some minimal prep in the morning and you have a great, healthy snack!
Photo courtesy "100 Days Of Real
Food"
For the recipe, click on the picture above or HERE!
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Myself & Strangers
When I started writing this blog I did it because I felt that there were a
lot of things that had been on my mind that I needed to get out. It had been
almost a year since Brennis had his heart attack and all of these thoughts had
been in my head rolling around for so long they just had to come out. I chose a
blog because it was efficient and because I could then share my thoughts with
others. I felt that I had something to say that might mean something to somenone
else.
What I didn’t even consider when I started is that I was telling not just my story but Brennis’ story (and the story of a lot of other people who lived with us through it) as well. After I had posted a few blogs it dawned on me that I had never asked Brennis whether he minded me writing about his experience last year. I had honestly never thought about the ramifications of writing about such a personal experience. I was just purging my emotions.
When it finally dawned on me to ask Brennis he was gracious and said he didn’t mind. It was the first time I had become aware that people would be reacting to what I was writing. Suddenly I was overcome with the feeling that I would have to be careful about what I said in this blog because it was public and because it was about Brennis and other people I know. Then people started making comments on the blog and I started to be conscious of what I was writing in the context of some of the comments. I found it frustrating and stifling and I didn’t let it interfere for long.
Gertrude Stein once said that she wrote for “myself and strangers”. I never really understood what that meant until I started writing this. Writing for me comes from somewhere outside of my consciousness. I don’t really “think” when I’m writing as much as “process”. Sometimes it feels to me that the worlds come from my fingertips right to the computer screen. The only time I really stop to think is if I get stuck on a spelling or phrasing. Otherwise the words generally just come “out of me”.
When I began worrying about Brennis and when people started commenting about my blog I suddenly became acutely aware of what I was writing and I began to think too much. What I think Gertrude Stein meant when she said she wrote for herself and strangers is that you are essentially writing for yourself as a creative act and that your audience must remain “strangers” in your mind or else you risk writing something specifically for a particular “audience”. I didn’t want to feel like I was editing myself because someone might be offended or not like what I was saying. I wanted to continue the process of writing from my consciousness as much as I was able.
So I am writing this with my fingertips…not with my brain. I wonder how much of our lives would be better lived if we didn’t use our brains so much. Sure we have to know not to touch something hot because it might burn us….but haven’t we really become so afraid of everything that we stop inviting our spirits along on the journey with us? We get so involved in the tiny details of our lives that we often forget that we are living in a miracle. If you are nourished and sheltered you have enough. The million things that you have to do today to perpetuate the million things you told yourself you needed yesterday is all just extra stuff. Extra stuff is good but you don’t need it at the expense of living your life.
Maybe we should start LIVING for ourselves and strangers. I know it sounds selfish but I don’t believe it is. If I am more honest with myself about what I want I am presenting the real me and the real me is the person I want people to know. The real me is pretty amazing and has a lot to offer others. The real me has more time to be loving and caring and giving because he isn’t so busy pretending to be someone he’s not. Pretending can be exhausting and never gets us anywhere. Trying to get people to like us (or at the very least not HATE us) takes a lot of effort. If they don’t like us, so what? Are we going to run out of people? It’s doubtful.
So I will continue to write with my fingertips….sometimes my brain will try to take over but I won’t let it. If you don’t like something I say let me know. You’ve read this far and I’d like to know the real you too.
What I didn’t even consider when I started is that I was telling not just my story but Brennis’ story (and the story of a lot of other people who lived with us through it) as well. After I had posted a few blogs it dawned on me that I had never asked Brennis whether he minded me writing about his experience last year. I had honestly never thought about the ramifications of writing about such a personal experience. I was just purging my emotions.
When it finally dawned on me to ask Brennis he was gracious and said he didn’t mind. It was the first time I had become aware that people would be reacting to what I was writing. Suddenly I was overcome with the feeling that I would have to be careful about what I said in this blog because it was public and because it was about Brennis and other people I know. Then people started making comments on the blog and I started to be conscious of what I was writing in the context of some of the comments. I found it frustrating and stifling and I didn’t let it interfere for long.
Gertrude Stein once said that she wrote for “myself and strangers”. I never really understood what that meant until I started writing this. Writing for me comes from somewhere outside of my consciousness. I don’t really “think” when I’m writing as much as “process”. Sometimes it feels to me that the worlds come from my fingertips right to the computer screen. The only time I really stop to think is if I get stuck on a spelling or phrasing. Otherwise the words generally just come “out of me”.
When I began worrying about Brennis and when people started commenting about my blog I suddenly became acutely aware of what I was writing and I began to think too much. What I think Gertrude Stein meant when she said she wrote for herself and strangers is that you are essentially writing for yourself as a creative act and that your audience must remain “strangers” in your mind or else you risk writing something specifically for a particular “audience”. I didn’t want to feel like I was editing myself because someone might be offended or not like what I was saying. I wanted to continue the process of writing from my consciousness as much as I was able.
So I am writing this with my fingertips…not with my brain. I wonder how much of our lives would be better lived if we didn’t use our brains so much. Sure we have to know not to touch something hot because it might burn us….but haven’t we really become so afraid of everything that we stop inviting our spirits along on the journey with us? We get so involved in the tiny details of our lives that we often forget that we are living in a miracle. If you are nourished and sheltered you have enough. The million things that you have to do today to perpetuate the million things you told yourself you needed yesterday is all just extra stuff. Extra stuff is good but you don’t need it at the expense of living your life.
Maybe we should start LIVING for ourselves and strangers. I know it sounds selfish but I don’t believe it is. If I am more honest with myself about what I want I am presenting the real me and the real me is the person I want people to know. The real me is pretty amazing and has a lot to offer others. The real me has more time to be loving and caring and giving because he isn’t so busy pretending to be someone he’s not. Pretending can be exhausting and never gets us anywhere. Trying to get people to like us (or at the very least not HATE us) takes a lot of effort. If they don’t like us, so what? Are we going to run out of people? It’s doubtful.
So I will continue to write with my fingertips….sometimes my brain will try to take over but I won’t let it. If you don’t like something I say let me know. You’ve read this far and I’d like to know the real you too.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Confetti Salad
Confetti Salad
.JPG)
This is something I make with different dressings depending on my mood. Of course it would taste good with any number of over the counter dressings but since I'm trying to use mostly whole foods and watch my fat/sodium I've made my own here. This would also taste good with a bit of red onion or peppers thrown in but I just didn't feel like it today....feel free to play!
Salad:
1 can no-sodium corn
1 can pinto beans
1 can black beans
1 1/2 Cups Edamame
1 1/2 Cups cooked and cooled brown rice
Dressing
1/4 Cup Ketchup (check the ingredients....it only needs to have tomato puree, sugar, vinegar and spices.....try organic if you can find it)
2 Tbsp Apple Cider Vinegar
2 Tbsp Red Wine Vinegar
1 Clove Garlic
1/4 Cup Minced Onion
1/2 tsp Paprika
Black Pepper (to taste)
1/2 tsp soy sauce or tamari
2 Tbsp Apple Sauce or Apple Juice
Mix the salad dressing in a blender until the onion and garlic have been liquified. Chill for an hour.
Meanwhile, mix the salad ingredients and after the dressing is chilled pour dressing over the salad. The flavors will marry the longer it sits so enjoy it all day long!
Monday, May 21, 2012
Life On Purpose
Sometimes I think too much. Actually, most of the time I think too much. I
remember when I was a child I would worry that at some point all of the possible
melodies would be used up and there would be no more new songs. I don’t know if
that’s mathematically possible and as I get older it becomes less and less
relevant since I’ve come nowhere near hearing even a billionth of the songs that
have already been written but it was one of the many things I thought about
every day when I was growing up.
I still think too much. I like to know what to expect in any situation I am entering. If I can’t “know” what to expect I try to visualize it. I spend hours each day imagining what might happen tomorrow, what might happen when I get to work, what might happen during a doctor’s appointment. It really is maddening but I like so many other things about my brain that I’ve just decided to live with this quirk.
When Brennis had his heart attack I had to stop thinking and just let things happen. I couldn’t imagine what was going to happen, I couldn’t even hazard a guess. I just sat next to him and allowed this new world to unfold before me. It was pretty liberating actually and I learned a lot about being able to do that. There are a lot of things in this world that we have control over and a much larger number of things that we do not. I was in a place where I had no control over anything and honestly I felt as safe as I had ever felt before.
When they first admitted Brennis on Saturday they told us they were going to do some tests on Monday to determine what caused his symptoms. Shortly after this they came back with the final results of the blood work and EKG and told us that Brennis had indeed had a heart attack and that they would be doing a heart cath on Monday instead to see what the next step would be. We knew that they would either do stents to open the arteries if the blockages were minor or do open heart surgery if the blockages were more severe or if there were several blockages.
I had a sense almost immediately that Brennis was going to have open heart surgery. I don’t know if it was my own mind trying to prepare me for the worst or if it was some power greater than me giving me a glimpse of the future….but it’s what I knew and I prepared myself for that.
From that moment on I felt like I knew exactly what was happening as it was happening. I didn’t need to know it before it happened. I knew it while it was happening. I learned later that this is what is known as “living in the moment”. For the first time in my life I was experiencing my life while it was happening. I wasn’t living through one event while I was worrying about or planning an upcoming event. I was living the event I was actually a part of. Unfortunately, this was a new concept for me.
If you have ever experienced it you know that it is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world. I was able to experience this feeling throughout Brennis’ stay in the hospital and for a short time after he was released but slowly the feeling left me as the daily routine of living crept back into my reality. In addition to the regular day to day stresses of work, cleaning, family, etc. we had now added Dr.’s appointments, wound care, blood pressure checks and nurses visits to our “to do” list. It was easy for me to start thinking and worrying and visualizing the future again. This time, however, I knew that I didn’t have to. I was conscious of the fact that no matter what I worried about or visualized the future was going to unfold the way it was going to unfold. I could still plan what I wanted to do but once planned I needed only to experience it. Isn’t that afterall the reason we plan things?
Regaining control of my moments is a struggle. I have to check myself quite often and bring myself back into the moment. It really is as simple as reminding yourself to do it. Stop worrying. You are here. You are doing this thing you wanted to do…..the thing that you were looking forward to doing…..experience it. Live it.
I find now that if I am in that state,experiencing my life while I’m living it, that my life opens up for me in amazing new ways. Try it now. Stop and listen to the sounds around you, feel the pressure of your chair against your back, experience the aroma of the room you are in. You may have missed these things before but they were always there. Without having to think about it they will move you in the direction you are meant to go. Move forward now…..with purpose. Your life is waiting…..but it won’t wait forever.
I still think too much. I like to know what to expect in any situation I am entering. If I can’t “know” what to expect I try to visualize it. I spend hours each day imagining what might happen tomorrow, what might happen when I get to work, what might happen during a doctor’s appointment. It really is maddening but I like so many other things about my brain that I’ve just decided to live with this quirk.
When Brennis had his heart attack I had to stop thinking and just let things happen. I couldn’t imagine what was going to happen, I couldn’t even hazard a guess. I just sat next to him and allowed this new world to unfold before me. It was pretty liberating actually and I learned a lot about being able to do that. There are a lot of things in this world that we have control over and a much larger number of things that we do not. I was in a place where I had no control over anything and honestly I felt as safe as I had ever felt before.
When they first admitted Brennis on Saturday they told us they were going to do some tests on Monday to determine what caused his symptoms. Shortly after this they came back with the final results of the blood work and EKG and told us that Brennis had indeed had a heart attack and that they would be doing a heart cath on Monday instead to see what the next step would be. We knew that they would either do stents to open the arteries if the blockages were minor or do open heart surgery if the blockages were more severe or if there were several blockages.
I had a sense almost immediately that Brennis was going to have open heart surgery. I don’t know if it was my own mind trying to prepare me for the worst or if it was some power greater than me giving me a glimpse of the future….but it’s what I knew and I prepared myself for that.
From that moment on I felt like I knew exactly what was happening as it was happening. I didn’t need to know it before it happened. I knew it while it was happening. I learned later that this is what is known as “living in the moment”. For the first time in my life I was experiencing my life while it was happening. I wasn’t living through one event while I was worrying about or planning an upcoming event. I was living the event I was actually a part of. Unfortunately, this was a new concept for me.
If you have ever experienced it you know that it is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world. I was able to experience this feeling throughout Brennis’ stay in the hospital and for a short time after he was released but slowly the feeling left me as the daily routine of living crept back into my reality. In addition to the regular day to day stresses of work, cleaning, family, etc. we had now added Dr.’s appointments, wound care, blood pressure checks and nurses visits to our “to do” list. It was easy for me to start thinking and worrying and visualizing the future again. This time, however, I knew that I didn’t have to. I was conscious of the fact that no matter what I worried about or visualized the future was going to unfold the way it was going to unfold. I could still plan what I wanted to do but once planned I needed only to experience it. Isn’t that afterall the reason we plan things?
Regaining control of my moments is a struggle. I have to check myself quite often and bring myself back into the moment. It really is as simple as reminding yourself to do it. Stop worrying. You are here. You are doing this thing you wanted to do…..the thing that you were looking forward to doing…..experience it. Live it.
I find now that if I am in that state,experiencing my life while I’m living it, that my life opens up for me in amazing new ways. Try it now. Stop and listen to the sounds around you, feel the pressure of your chair against your back, experience the aroma of the room you are in. You may have missed these things before but they were always there. Without having to think about it they will move you in the direction you are meant to go. Move forward now…..with purpose. Your life is waiting…..but it won’t wait forever.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)